240 Funny and Humorous Classic Quotes to Make You Laugh

In the daily study, work and life, everyone is familiar with quotations. Quotations are short and concise and do not emphasize literary beauty. What kind of quotations are excellent classic quotations? 

The following are funny and humorous classic quotations compiled by the editor. You are welcome to learn from them and refer to them. I hope they will be helpful to you. 

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Funny and Humorous Classic Quotes to Make You Laugh - 1


INTERESTING FOR YOU


  1. Even if you have a famous flower, I will embellish it.


  2. When I get up every morning, I have to read the "Forbes" rich list. If my name is not listed, I will go to work.


  3. I turned her from a girl to a woman; she turned me from a boy to... poor.


  4. Love the country, love the family, love the younger sisters, guard against thieves, guard against theft and guard against seniors.


  5. Life is sometimes like being raped by a eunuch—resistance is pain, and non-resistance is still a pain!


  6. I put a dull fart in the elevator, and I yelled "something is mushy", so the people in the first elevator sucked my fart clean.


  7. Baby, I'll take you to take a bath when I get paid!


  8. I am in the rivers and lakes, but there are no legends about me in the rivers and lakes.


  9. Family Shunzhi, life Kangxi, character Yongzheng, career Qianlong, everything Jiaqing, future Daoguang, wealth Xianfeng, internal and external governance, Qianqiu Guangxu, and publicity!


  10. "Describe your appearance in one sentence" "It doesn't matter if you don't mention it"


  11. I am a white-collar worker: I received my salary today, paid the rent, water, and electricity, bought fried rice instant noodles, touched my pockets, and sighed, this month’s salary is white-collar again.


  12. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is wrong, no matter how hard you try, it will be useless.


  13. When is the bright moon, ask Yi Zhongtian!


  14. Be a rogue with temperament, a satyr with taste, and an illiterate with knowledge!


  15. I only had a nosebleed once, and I mistakenly used a sanitary napkin as a mask!


  16. All victories are inconsiderable compared to conquering self.


Funny and Humorous Classic Quotes to Make You Laugh - 2


  1. Life is like: a deaf man hears a dumb man say that a blind man sees a ghost.


  2. If happiness is not on the road, it must be at the end of the road.


  3. When smart people have no skills to use, the methods that the stupid people come up with must be the most useful!


  4. When facing the test paper, I found out that I had leukemia.


  5. Whoever says I am white, thin, and beautiful, I will be good friends with him.


  6. Sleep is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing art!


  7. In the eyes of a fool, the cleverness of a wise man is worthless.


  8. There is no rehearsal in life, every day is a live broadcast, not only the ratings are low, but the salary is not high.


  9. The effect of contraception: if it is not successful, it will become an adult.


  10. Why don't you come to collect the old man's rags??


  11. You can not study hard, but you must review well.


  12. Love is like gambling. Those who are red-eyed will bet with their organs.


  13. Hands and feet can touch the sky and the earth, but the heart should be kept in the rules.


  14. When I saw you fell down on the street that day, I was so anxious that I wished that the reality could be like the Internet, where I could click a thumbs up in the lower right corner.


  15. Those women who participate in the beauty pageant can't find a good man, because all the good men are married, such as me.


  16. I put your words in the oil pan to fry the oil, haha


  17. I have been wandering far away from my dream. What a luxury idea is a perfection. I finally collected enough wounds to realize that 80% happiness is enough.


Funny and Humorous Classic Quotes to Make You Laugh - 3


  1. Sugar Daddy - is the gentlest way to steal from the rich and give to the poor.


  2. Opportunity is like clear water, which can flow everywhere; the opportunity is like moonlight, which can survive wherever there is a gap.


  3. Women are divided into married and non-married, and men are divided into voluntary and forced marriages.


  4. Please solve the problem of excess agricultural products in your city as soon as possible. During the speech today, the tomatoes that everyone threw on the stage were at least 200 catties.


  5. I've been busy and bored!


  6. Hooligans are not scary, but they are cultured.


  7. When I have a fever at home, I still insist on surfing the Internet. When I sneeze at school, I think it is the terminal stage of cancer.


  8. I am in the rivers and lakes, but there are no legends about me in the rivers and lakes!


  9. I am a beast when I take off my clothes, but I am a beast when I put on clothes!


  10. Study hard for China! A pack of China is worth a lot!


  11. Oh yeah! It's normal in general, sometimes I get a little nervous. Who dares to rob my wife...I'll dig up his family's grave!


  12. I am not a casual person, I am not a casual person.


  13. Fat Rou made a girlfriend, and she blew it up in less than a week. When a friend asked why Fat Rou said: "She said... After seeing me for a long time, I feel so tired..."


  14. Who is my future girlfriend dating now?


  15. Men can't get used to it, the more they get used to it, the more they become jerks. Women deserve to be pampered, the more pampered they are, the more kind they are.


  16. All the unforgettable love is the moment when the soul dissociates on the bed!


Funny and Humorous Classic Quotes to Make You Laugh - 4


  1. Sighing is the most time-wasting thing, and crying is the most wasted energy.


  2. Close your eyes, I see my future...


  3. When the road is uneven, let out a yell, and continue walking after the yelling.


  4. Only when the pants lose their belts can they understand what dependence is.


  5. Sometimes life is like a computer. It crashes when it says it crashes, and there is no need to discuss it.


  6. The sea is wide with the fish jumping, and the broken drum is beaten by others.


  7. A grievance that can be said is not a grievance; a lover who can be taken away is not a lover.


  8. Cigarettes are disobedient, so we "smoke".


  9. A man's brain likes a woman's heart, but his eyes like a woman's appearance.


  10. Salted fish turned over, still salted fish.


  11. I can choose to give up, but I cannot give up the choice.


  12. As a typical failure, you are too successful.


  13. Not everyone can live a low-key life. The basis for being low-key is to be high-key at any time.


  14. Women like bad-looking men, not bad-looking men.


  15. Our love died on this day, just to give each other a chance to be born again.


  16. When the boss uses you, you are a talent, and when you are not used, you become a layoff!


  17. When you fall down, get up and cry again.


  18. Sometimes the killer of marriage is not an affair, but time.


  19. Keeping silent is not because of forgetting, but because of remembering.


  20. Let the future come and let the past pass.


  21. Is being big enough to be powerful? Dinosaurs are still extinct!


  22. White lies: It is to find a good excuse for your own deception.


  23. Parents fooling their children is called education; children fooling their parents is called cheating; mutual fooling is called the generation gap.


  24. Don't talk about feelings with me. Talking about feelings hurts money.


  25. Those who cannot extricate themselves, besides love, there are radishes in other people's fields.


  26. I thought it was useless for others to find me by being "invisible". People like me are like fireflies in the dark night no matter where they are, they bright and outstanding enough.


  27. Diamonds are forever, and one will go bankrupt!


  28. The iron rooster will leave some rust, you are simply a stainless steel rooster!


  29. Before I had time to mess with flowers, I was pulled out.


  30. Everyone is original when they are born. Sadly, many people gradually become pirates!


  31. Don't say that other people have a brain disease. The prerequisite for a brain disease is to have a brain.


  32. Lie down wherever you fall.


  33. I am not a prince, why do girls always think that they should be princesses when they meet me!


  34. The most contradictory thing between lovers is to fantasize about each other's future, but think about each other's past.


  35. Every minute you get angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.


  36. Being busy is a kind of happiness, which makes us have no time to experience pain; running around is a kind of happiness, which allows us to truly feel life; exhaustion is a kind of enjoyment, which makes us have no time to be empty.


  37. Life is like "breathing", "exhaling" is to take a breath, and "inhaling" is to take a breath.


  38. Knowledge is like underwear, invisible but important.


  39. Marriage is to wear a cotton coat for freedom. It is inconvenient to move around, but it will be very warm.


  40. The hero is sad and the beauty passes the test. I am not a hero, but beauty let me pass the test.


Funny and Humorous Classic Quotes to Make You Laugh - 5


  1. Love is like a photo, it needs a lot of darkroom time to develop.


  2. All smart people are unmarried, and it is difficult for married people to become smart again.


  3. Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly


  4. The Internet is like a prison. You came in with a stolen wallet, but you learned everything when you got out.


  5. Loneliness is not born with you but starts from the moment you fall in love with someone.


  6. It's strange that you breathe in so much courage, but all you spit out are sighs.


  7. You have not been loved by others before, so you will cherish the person who loves you in the future


  8. Don't look back, brother is only in love with your back.


  9. Dissatisfaction is the succession of the suspension, which makes people constantly have the desire to climb upwards in comparison.


  10. Success is 3% talent plus 97% not being distracted by the Internet.


  11. If you come out to mess around, you will get annoyed sooner or later.


  12. Smart women deal with men, but stupid women deal with women.


  13. The departure of the stool is the pursuit of the toilet, or the non-retention of the butt.


  14. It is said that my sister is beautiful, but in fact it is all made up.


  15. Brother smokes because it hurts the lungs, not sad.


  16. Those pasts are deep, but not enough to stop the future.


  17. Some people look much better when they make a mask than real people.


  18. Instead of mixing, rather than boiling, it is better to be two, it is better to be soaring.


  19. Freedom is not to be given by others, but to be pursued by oneself.


  20. Hard work will not lead to death! But I won't prove myself


  21. Love is cheap, and it is cheap again and again. When you stop being cheap, women will come


  22. Love is like ice cream, no matter how you avoid it, it will melt in the end.


  23. Love makes people forget time, and time makes people forget love.


  24. When you fall in love with someone, you will always be a little scared, afraid of getting him; afraid of losing him.


  25. Everything has a price, and the price of happiness is pain.


  26. Work is so interesting! Especially watching other people's work.


  27. The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death or the distance between heaven and earth, but that I stand in front of you, but you don't know that I love you.


  28, I love you, for your happiness, and I am willing to give up everything - including you


  29. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used them to roll my eyes.


  30. A child in the back seat will have an accident, and an accident in the back seat will have a child.


  31. When I saw you, I lost my appetite, so why talk about sexual desire?


  32. Everyone should love animals because they are delicious.


  33. Do you think I will watch you die? I will close my eyes!


Funny and Humorous Classic Quotes to Make You Laugh - 6


  1. I meddle in my own business with mice every day, and let dogs and cats rest, which is also an expression of caring for small animals.


  2. Recalling past feelings is like drinking cold tea, even if it has just been brewed not long ago, it still tastes like overnight.


  3. There are many women who say that men have no good things, and at the same time say that if the mother is a man, how many girls will be ruined.


  4. Tang Seng had intercourse with the female goblin, and while having a good time, he still did not forget the Buddha's heart, so he made such a voice: ah ah ah ah ah ah Amitabha.


  5. It is really difficult to find the same kind, but there are many similarities.


  6. How did you come into this world? Your dad doesn't look like that either.


  7. Hello everyone, as the ugliest female rich man in the world, my secret to getting rich is: grab a man on the street and don’t let go, and then say: either you marry me, or you give me 50 yuan.


  8. There are too many polite words, and the thickness of the skin is obviously not enough.


  9. I don't ignore you, I don't ignore you, I don't care about you, and I don't look down on you. In fact, I have already ignored you.


  10. Girl, please go and look in the mirror. It is the clothes that look good when mixed and matched, not the facial features.


  11. Husband, you have to work hard to make money. Money should not be so little that we worry about our livelihood all day, and it is best not so much that we need other women to help us spend it.


  12. When introducing me to new friends, please put your arms around my waist instead of standing aside and pointing your fingers.


  13. When I feel unwell, I have to pretend to be a doctor, touch my forehead, take my temperature, and then send me to a real doctor for medicine and injections.


  14. I have many shortcomings in my body, I am already distressed enough, please don't remind me at any time.


  15. Although you know all about those beautiful and charming female stars when I ask you, I still hope to get this answer: Who is Shu Qi? Is Britney the one playing tennis?


  16. Please don't be passionate, think that many women are interested in you, and show it off in front of me. Just like the beautiful girl who just moved across the street, you always said that people love to lie on the balcony to watch you, but later we all know that she is cross-eyed, please remember this lesson well.


Funny and Humorous Classic Quotes to Make You Laugh - 7


  1. In the past, I always liked her broad-mindedness, but in fact, it was nothing more than an airport!


  2. Don't talk about ideals with me, quit!


  3. I know that more than half of my efforts are useless, but I don't know which half.


  4. I'm not stupid, I'm just too lazy to be smart.


  5. Everyone is drunk and I am sober, I am not serious!


  6. Rats never waste their nights, but we humans waste a third of our days.


  7. Hugging is really a strange thing. They are so close, but they can't see each other's faces.


  8. Don't say that other people have a brain disease. The prerequisite for a brain disease is to have a brain.


  9. Insomnia is because sleep is taken too seriously, thinking that if you sleep less for one night, you will die.


  10. If I become the emperor, I will make you a prince!


  11. The sadness of life lies in that when you want to stab a knife in both sides, you only have one knife.


  12. My advantage is: I am handsome; but my disadvantage is: I am not obvious that I am handsome.


  13. The soil is for digging, and the pit is for burying you.


  14. You still let me kneel on the washboard, kneeling on the electric heater is really unbearable!


  15. There is always time and opportunity for things to be done, and excuses for things not to be done.


  16. Although I am poor, I have all the problems of rich people.


  17. Don't be afraid to drink dichlorvos, but be afraid to open the cap and enjoy an extra bottle.


  18. I skipped too many classes. I wanted to go to class yesterday. When I saw the teacher, the teacher was surprised and said, I haven't seen you for so long, and I have grown up so much.


  19. People in the upper class always like to do dirty things.


  20. The last you have a young heart and a young face.


  21. You can't please everyone, because not all people are human!


  22. Cut off the JJ and worship the gods—it hurts yourself and offends God!


  23. I searched for her thousands of times in the crowd, but when I looked back, that person still dismissed me.


  24. I think it's good to make a phone call because every word you say is valuable.


  25. I never knew what I should be good at since I was a child. In desperation, I had no choice but to develop morally, intellectually, physically, aesthetically, and in an all-around way.


  26. Entered a hairdresser's room by mistake, and refused to tease the hair-washing girl with a cold face. After the haircut, I gave 20 yuan in change, and the hair-washing girl opened her mind on the grounds that she had no change: touch three, no more change!


  27. I think the earth is so dangerous, I miss Mars.


  28. Although I am not very handsome when I was young, some people praised my left nostril as an idol.


  29. How can you lose weight if you are not full?


  30. Before I met you, I really didn't realize that I have the problem of judging people by their appearance.


  31. Don't worry! Master, the elder brother will come to save us!


  32. If you abolish me now, I will abolish you in the future.


  33. Brother, can you lower the resolution of your face?


  34. In the future, when I give birth to a son, I want to name him "so handsome", and when others see me, they will say "so handsome dad".


  35. If the teacher hadn't told you not to litter, I would have thrown you out a long time ago.


  36. When I came to this world, I never planned to go back alive.


  37. The farthest distance in the world is not that you and I are separated from each other, but that we are in different rooms.


  38. If you want to be famous in front of others, you must suffer from others.


  39. A man who does not want property in a divorce must not be a good man; a woman who does not want property in a divorce must be a good woman.


  40. Roses are so cheap that you can give them to your wife.


  41. My mind is small, but not lacking; I have a good temper, but not without it!


  42. Acne is the last battle of youth and years of stubborn resistance on my face.


  43. Be nice to yourself, because no one treats you like the whole world.


  44. I skipped too many classes. I wanted to go to class one day. When I saw the professor, the professor was surprised and said, I haven’t seen you for so long, and I have grown up so much.


  45. I was also an infatuated seed back then, but it rained...and I drowned.


  46. ​​There must be a road in front of the driveway, and I can't stop if there is a road.


  47. When arguing, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a rifle and a machine gun.


  48. The sun is warm and the years are quiet. If you don't come, how dare I grow old?


  49. I'd rather stay lonely for three thousand years, and immediately scream, and don't provoke frivolous women into the gauze tent to relieve loneliness!


  50. When a man gives a woman a corset, it means that he wants to establish a loving relationship; when a woman gives a man underwear, it means that he already has a loving relationship.


Funny quotes that are super hot on the Internet


1. Every time you go shopping, people will tell you that if you really want it, they will give you a cheaper price. You see, sincerity is so worthless!


2. There are two types of looks, one is good-looking and the other is ugly. You are in the middle, so ugly.


3. When I was a child, my mother kindly said to me: Good boy, if you learn this skill, you will never starve to death for the rest of your life. So my mother taught me to eat...


4. A woman stands in front of the clothes like an emperor, thinking every day, who should be favored today? I looked at it, hey, I should be a concubine again.


5. As long as you work very hard, one day you will find that you will never be able to close the gap between you and the rich.


6. I kissed a girl lip-to-mouth at the corner of the street, my God... Is this the blessing I cultivated in my previous life? Well, it would have been better if I hadn't had a cigarette in my mouth at the time.


7. I have read so many classics handed down from generation to generation and read so many famous classics in these years, and suddenly found that my favorite is lace news and entertainment gossip.


8. In Chinese double diving, the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law should be the best partners, because they have always fallen into the water at the same time for decades.


9. I have always missed the unbroken love between high school and my deskmate. Now that I am 40 years old, I have not been in a relationship yet. My parents arrange blind dates for me everywhere. One day, my mother called and said that she had arranged a blind date, and she ran to see that the girl was my deskmate in high school! My excited head was hot, and I asked hesitantly: "Are you okay?" She lowered her head and said, "You want to go on a blind date with my daughter?"


10. Others are posting about their happiness, car, house, food, drink, play, and money. What about you? What are you posting? ? You have a dark tan.


11. Nowadays, people say that they are going to sleep, but they just want to lie on the bed and play with their mobile phones. If they wake up, they are sitting on the toilet and play with their mobile phones.


12. Go to bed early, exercise more, don't smoke, don't drink alcohol, and develop a good habit of going to bed early and getting up early. Over time, when you are upset and can't sleep, there will be no friends to accompany you.


13. The most beautiful thing in this world is eating meat. Never betray, never cheat, eat a catty, grow a catty, and always treat each other sincerely.


14. To sum up, the success I have achieved in recent years is mainly divided into three categories: successful login, successful download, and successful payment.


15. I heard that beautiful people have two characteristics: one is a bad memory, and the other I forgot. When I remember it, I will call the math teacher to order a takeaway.


16. My girlfriend said that I was too motherly, and I was very angry. I thought that she would not think of me as my mother if I had a big fight with her, but in the end, I didn't quarrel with her, and she cried in anger.


17. The so-called holiday, the family is suspected, there is no money to go out, and every day is very idle.


When I was eighteen or five years old, my goal was to Ferrari. When I was 20, my goal was Audi A6. When I was 25, my goal was Geely Panda. The current goal is to be able to squeeze into the bus and have a seat to sit and listen to music.


19. When I saw my parents quarreling when I was young, I often struggled, should I get married when I grow up? It wasn't until I got older that I realized: I really think too much!


20. Why does grandma like her daughter-in-law but not her daughter-in-law, because the enemy of an enemy is a friend!


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