30 Hilariously Most Inappropriate Children's Books (Adults)
Explore a world of the best perverted, funny, offbeat, offensive, dirty kids' tales - the most hilariously inappropriate children's books for adults.
Welcome to an insightful journey through the '30 hilariously most inappropriate children's books (adults),' written by Muhiuddin Alam on the book recommendations and reviews site, ReadingAndThinking.com.
Over the years as a leading Authority, I made countless articles on the topics of Parenting and Children's Reads, many of which can be found on this site. I'm also a regular contributor to other websites and publications.
I will recommend some notable inappropriate kids books include here: I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much, Cooking with Pooh, The Loneliest Ho in the World, Let's Play Indoors, Games You Can Play With Your Pussy, The Night Dad Went to Jail, Go the F**k to Sleep, and Curious George Takes a Job.
These aren't the only dirty children's books in this post. I'm pleased to offer my expert recommendations in this article, which is based on my in-depth study and extensive research in this field.
I provide you with detailed descriptions of each of these outstanding resources, to help you make well-informed decisions in your inappropriate kid's books journey.
So, when I suggest these dirty kid's books, it's because I've read a lot and want to share the best ones with you. I'm all about making your reading experience awesome.
Trust in a guide deeply immersed in the literary books and stories. I love books just like you do!
1. I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much
"I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much." Written by Judith Vigna and published in 1998, this uplifting story is brought to you by the same author as "My Big Sister Takes Drugs," "Saying Goodbye to Daddy" and "She's Not My Real Mother."
There is a whole spectrum of traumatizing reading material that this author has pumped out. "I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much," tells the tale of a young girl dealing with an alcoholic father.
Now, this story initially was aimed at children who can relate to the issue of an alcoholic father but has since seen a spike in sales as a popular gag pregnancy gift.
That's a disturbing gift to give a pregnant woman. It's like, here, I'm sure the father was drunk when that happened.
but this is actually about exactly what it sounds like. It’s a serious look into living with an alcoholic parent.
We can have a chuckle at it because the title is amusingly straightforward, but lots of kids have probably gotten a lot of help from this book, so let’s give it, and author Judith Vigna, some respect.
On the other hand, we can be awful people and have a bit of fun. Here’s an excerpt: "I knew it was only Daddy in a Santa suit because he bumped into my bed twice and spilled beer on the rug".
2. Cooking with Pooh
Described as the perfect combination of a book and activity in a reusable box, the pages offer simple step-by-step directions for making cookies, pizzas, and sandwiches as well as edible holiday ornaments and much more.
Popular with kids, the book actually has a five-out-of-five review on Barnes & Noble because, well the content is great, it's mostly just the title that's poorly worded.
This is, of course, the first of many poorly worded upcoming Winnie The Pooh books, including Pooh Got Stuck, Pooh on My Lap, and Smells Like Honey, Pooh, in bookstores near you soon.
3. The Loneliest Ho in the World
He congratulates the elves on a job well done by sharing with them some, elf juice, and when he boards his sleigh until comes to the realization that he's forgotten his ho's.
Christmas isn't Christmas without ho's, Santa proclaims. Ain't that the truth!
This book says it’s about Santa Claus’ “strangest and funniest adventure.” That is probably a very apt description of this story.
It just sounds like that story probably shouldn’t be told to anyone under the age of 18.
4. Let's Play Indoors
The book is full of a bunch of suggested games that really aren't that appropriate for kids like the post office where one player becomes a mailman and is supposed to go around delivering hugs and kisses to other kids.
There's another game called poor pussy, in which one player acts like a scolded kitty walking around on all fours looking for an owner who must say to them, poor pussy three times without cracking a smile.
I'm not gonna get into the other games, cause this is just like a really disturbing book, but yeah, highly recommended that you do not purchase this for your child. Unless you want them to have therapy bills, you know, for the rest of their life.
5. Games You Can Play With Your Pussy
Written for kids with cats, the chapters answer all of their burning cat questions, like how to feed your pussy, how to eat with your pussy, discipline your pussy, name your pussy, and nurse your sick pussy.
The book is humorous in nature, of course, and the reviews on Amazon all have five stars, so apparently somebody's getting something out of this book.
Again though, that title, it's just a little suggestive. A little suggestive, very suggestive.
6. The Night Dad Went to Jail
It follows a young rabbit who goes through the motions of what it's like to experience his rabbit father going to jail.
This author has also written other uplifting life lessons, such as "Weekends With Dad: What to Expect When Your Parents Divorce."
I get what the author's trying to do here by helping young kids cope with real-life situations, but damn! Kids already don't read that much. We don't need to scare them off with books like this.
7. Go the F**k to Sleep
"Go the F**k to Sleep" was inspired by the author's personal anguish over his lack of sleep while nursing his then-two-year-old daughter.
What started off as a joke received so much positive feedback online that Adam got to work writing the children's tale in the story of a classic rhyming bedtime story.
8. Curious George Takes a Job
Curious George is always getting into mischief. Remember that time he hid from the Man With the Yellow Hat?
Or that other time he had a drug trip and passed out from huffing ether? Yes, that’s a real thing, and it happened in the SECOND Curious George book.
And it’s not just that he smells it – the sheer detail that the drug trip is described with, well, let’s just say the author may have had some experience.
The takeaway here is that huffing ether makes you feel like you’re flying.
9. Who Cares About Elderly People?
In fairness, this book is actually about why you SHOULD care about elderly people.
The problem is that the title sounds like it’s saying, who cares about THOSE people.”
The Who Cares series helps us to learn about ourselves, our world, and our responsibilities and fosters caring sharing, and loving instincts.
The latest, Law and Order, teaches us that we have to respect the law and the rights of others, and shows what sometimes happens if we don't.
10. Where Willy Went
This is exactly what it looks like, and hey, good on them for dealing with topics parents hate talking about. So quick plot summary here, Willy is a sperm.
He lives inside a man with 300 million of his friends, where they all prepare for the Great Swimming Race. Nobody tells Willy that where he went is probably a tissue, okay?
11. Maggie Goes On a Diet
You may as well call this book If You Want To Stop Being Worthless, Stop Being So Fat, You Fat*ss.
Sure, it’s trying to address childhood obesity, but the book barely even addresses healthy living and exercise. It just starts by telling us that Maggie is fat, unpopular, and has no friends.
Then she loses weight, can wear cute clothes, and becomes everyone’s favorite person ever. So the message is basically, don’t worry about being a decent human being. If you’re a skinny girl, everyone will love you regardless.
12. The Muffin Muncher
Hey, let’s be fair to author Stephen Cosgrove. This is a book with a message about sharing and cooperating with others.
He couldn’t have known in 1974 what muffin munching would come to mean four decades later. This book is still available… but it’s called “The Muffin Dragon” now.
13. Fireflies for Nathan
She probably just means he’s gone for the weekend or maybe gone from Nana’s home when he went to live on his.
Offers a look into the special bond between a child and his grandparents as Nathan, during a visit to his grandparents, discovers that they have kept the jar with which his father used to collect fireflies, demonstrating the simple yet special connections between generations.
14. My Big Sister Takes Drugs
Judith Vigna strikes again! Just like I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much, this is a serious book for kids about a topic that is difficult to discuss.
Also like that book, its title is so blatantly direct, that it doesn’t even sound like a real book title.
There are several other Judith Vigna staples, and yes these are all very real and very much written by the same person: Saying Goodbye to Daddy, My Two Uncles, Mommy and Me by Ourselves Again, When Eric’s Mom Fought Cancer, She’s Not My Real Mother, Daddy’s New Baby, and my favorite Nobody Wants a Nuclear War.
15. Monsters Eat Whiny Children
Scaring kids into behaving by telling them bad things will happen to them is a time-honored tradition, but this book seems a little light on the “teaching a lesson” part.”
It’s just a series of scenarios in which terrified children are packed into food while monsters talk about how excited they are to eat them.
And then the kids escape because the monsters are ALSO whiny. In this format, it kind of just feels like a mean-spirited threat.
This cautionary tale about whiny children being eaten by monsters is upended when the monsters cannot decide how best to prepare their meals.
A whiny child salad doesn't work because there's paprika in the dressing. A whiny child cake won't do because the flour spills all over the floor.
Whiny child burgers are out of the question because the grill is too hard to light. When the persnickety monsters finally decide that whiny child cucumber sandwiches are the perfect solution, their whiny children have escaped.
At least the children have learned their lesson...for now.
16. Stinky Steve Explains Daddy's Dabs
Here’s a book in which a skunk named Stinky Steve, who is appropriately sending up a cloud of green smoke on every single book cover, educates kids on the nature of marijuana concentrates.
This is part of a series of books about medical marijuana, all starring Stinky Steve. Some other titles are “Stinky Steve Explains Mommy’s Medibles,” and “Stinky Steve Explains Why Papa’s in Prison for Pot.” That last one sounds like a joke, but look, it’s a real thing.
Cannabis concentrates, whether eaten, smoked, or vaporized are some of the most potent medications on earth.
While they are safer than many prescriptions, they still pose some risk to children, especially children who do not know what they are or why they are used.
Some important conversations are hard to have, but thanks to Stinky Steve, talking to the children you love about cannabis concentrates doesn't have to be one of them! Let Stinky Steve facilitate a conversation about cannabis concentrates and safety today!
17. Harpo’s Horrible Secret
Let’s address the elephant in the room first. Why is this old guy standing THIS CLOSE to this little boy? Is that the horrible secret? It’s not, actually.
Harpo’s great-granddad has Alzheimer’s, and Harpo himself is a stupid kid who doesn’t understand what that means, so he thinks he has it too.
That’s the secret. So actually, this is just a highly questionable drawing.
When Harpo's great-grandfather, who has Alzheimer's, comes to live with him and his family, Harpo fears that he has the disease because he shares his relative's tendency to make things up.
18. If a Peacock Finds a Pot Leaf
They’re clearly going for the “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” thing here, but this is a little different. Of course, if the peacock finds the pot leaf, chances are he’ll also find a cookie soon enough.
This is billed as both an educational children’s book and a fairy tale. Basically, Peter, the Peacock finds a special kind of leaf, and all the other animals in the forest tell him how rad it is.
The first installment of educational children's books about Peter the Peacock starts when Peter is going for a walk in the forest and discovers a new leaf, he goes on to meet up with some helpful creatures who teach him the many benefits and uses of Medical Marijuana.
The totally real follow-up book is “If a Peacock Discovers Hemp Island.”
19. The Little World of Liz Climo
"You Look So Good Today" is a very "stupid and cute" healing comic collection, innocent, weak and cold humor, warm and loving.
This is the first collection of cartoonist Liz Creamer of Simpson Animation Group, which contains more than 150 funny cartoons of Liz Creamer.
It is more decompressive than "Secret Garden". The book gathers all kinds of cute animals you can think of, such as dinosaurs, brown bears, rabbits, penguins, and even fringed lizards, badgers, groundhogs, and meerkats...
in witty dialogues, they display an innate sense of humor and an enviable zest for life.
You may be any animal in the book, and the animal in the book may be any person around you.
Who hasn't enjoyed a moment of tenderness with their parents? Who hasn't been rendered speechless by a friend's joke? Who wouldn't be dumbfounded by his slow reaction? This book has such a magic power that it makes you smile involuntarily.
20. Popeye
Popeye by E. C. Segar
Since his debut in 1929, Popeye quickly became the hero of the Great Depression era in the United States. His image of self-confidence, integrity, and passion immediately touched everyone's hearts.
He is a sailor; he has a "special ability", and he becomes extremely powerful as soon as he eats spinach; he has a bad temper and loves to fight, but he has a very good heart, and it is common for him to help others. He's Poppy - people prefer to call him "Popeye".
Let’s take a look at the people around him. His girlfriend Oliver is in constant trouble, his adopted son Sweetie complains about him, his friend Wimpy only finds him for food and drinks, and his rival Brutal even comes to find fault with him every day. ...But you know, no matter what, Popeye must be the final winner.
With the development of newspapers, television, and movies, Popeye has moved from the United States to the world, bringing joy and enlightenment to children and adults all over the world. To this day, he is still a well-deserved big star in everyone's mind.
21. The Tale of Peter Rabbit
The Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter
Ms. Porter's work embodies the beauty, quality, vitality, and classiness that no one can match. ——Maurice Sendak (American contemporary illustrator)
Every night I choose a story from the "Peter Rabbit" series to read to my daughter. Ms. J. K. Rowling once said that all children should familiarize themselves with every story in the "Peter Rabbit" series. ——Jeffries (columnist of British "Guardian")
"The Tale of Peter Rabbit," tells the story of the naughty Peter, who doesn't listen to his mother's advice, slips into Mr. McGregor's vegetable garden, and steals vegetables. Unfortunately, Peter was found! So, Peter started a thrilling escape trip!
22. Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi
Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi
A classic full of childishness, a baptism about true love.
It is a great work as famous as "The Divine Comedy" and "The Decameron" in the history of Italian literature.
"Pinocchio", the representative work of Italian writer Collodi, published in 1880, is a great piece of Italian children's literature.
He beca The work tells that when the benevolent carpenter Pipano is sleeping, he dreams of a blue angel giving life to his most beloved puppet, Pinocchio, so the puppet begins his adventure.
If he is to become a real boy, he must pass tests of courage, loyalty, and honesty. During the adventure, he played truant because of his playfulness, got cheated because of greed, and became a donkey because of this.
At last, he fell into the belly of a big whale and met Geppetto unexpectedly. After this adventure, Pinocchio grew up into a real, hardworking, and kind-hearted man. boy.
This edition of "Pinocchio" is illustrated by French contemporary illustrator Jeremy Almansa.
The illustration style shuttles between lightness and darkness, light and darkness, and the characters are between cartoons and monsters, and the painter uses various painting techniques and rendering methods to give people a fantastic shock.
23. Do You Want to Play With My Balls?
Do You Want to Play With My Balls? by The Cifaldi Brothers
Do You Want To Play With My Balls? is just that kind of book, full of innocence and irreverence, and sure to make every member of your family vomit with glee.
At once shockingly direct, unabashedly sentimental, and totally asinine, Do You Want To Play With My Balls? is a visually stunning treat, embellished with brightly colored images by award-winning (**) illustrator Santiago Elizalde.
It's a book for all occasions: baby showers, birthday parties, bedtime readings, brisses... No coffee table, nursery, or kindergarten is complete without a copy. Go ahead, read it to the kids!
They'll love it, but won't have a clue as to why you're turning blue with laughter! ** 2nd Place Prize, Canton Youth Bowling League ABOUT THE BOOK In May of 2015 a video was released of a young woman reading a copy of Do You Want To Play With My Balls? a hilarious, children’s book parody for adults.
In one day her Facebook video received over 1 million views and over 50 million by month's end. This prompted an Internet explosion that not only put Do You Want To Play With My Balls? on the map, but on the entire globe.
Once this book is in your hands you will have no choice but to show it to all your friends and family, and, like the video has gone viral, the laughter will grow and grow!.
24. Who Will Toss My Salad?
This book was published by Little Golden Book in the early '90s, this book explores the benefits of eating vegetables and gardening with a young female character.
Again, this is a book whose content is actually just fine, but whose title is oh-so ill-advised.
For those that don't know, and for the young kids watching, earmuffs, tossing the salad is a term for, well, it's a sexual act that involves the butt.
This is an excellent example of why every author should be aware of popular slang and not just proper English. This title suggests something really bad that I'm just not gonna get into, especially considering the character in the book.
25. You Can't Be an Astronaut, It's Just Not Realistic
Nothing like a book that encourages our kids to be their best! Written by Joseph Smets, this book is a 26-page story that documents a boy who meets astronauts and shares his dream of having a career in the future. Except that they point-blank tell him not to bother.
They go even further by telling the boy about the complicated prerequisites and the difficult trigonometry involved.
When the boy then asks if he could be an astrologist instead, they tell him astrology is a joke of a career. Something tells me author Joey had a little bit of a rough childhood.
26. Henry’s Special Coal
Just once a simple question about this. What the hell is “special coal?” And why does Thomas look like he may have already taken some?
Well, in its native UK, there is an episode of the Thomas the Tank Engine TV series called “Henry’s Happy Coal.” That probably narrows it down.
27. Melanie’s Marvelous Measles
Melanie's Marvelous Measles by Stephanie Messenger
This is a book glorifying how great it is to have measles. It’s about a girl who comes down with measles and LIKES it.
This book isn’t just saying that the vaccine isn’t worth the risk, it’s saying that it’s actually BETTER to get measles… than to NOT get measles.
Just so we’re clear, measles is a potentially fatal disease that causes a high fever, severe cough, diarrhea, and occasionally, permanent brain damage.
28. I'd Really Like to Eat a Child
I'd Really Like to Eat a Child by Sylviane Donnio
A scrawny little crocodile wants the opportunity to bite off more than he can chew.
He's tired of bananas; today he'd like to eat a child. But he's smaller than he thinks, and the little girl he chooses for his first meal puts him in his place—she picks him up and tickles his tummy!
The little crocodile is going to have to eat a lot of bananas and grow a lot bigger before he can add children to his menu! Simple yet hilarious artwork brings this droll story to life.
29. All My Friends Are Dead
All My Friends Are Dead by Jory John
This witty and captivating tale offers a delightful primer for laughing at the inevitable: If you're a dinosaur, all your friends are dead. If you're a pirate, all your friends have scurvy. If you're a tree, all your friends are end tables.
Showcasing the downside of being everything from a clown to a cassette tape to a zombie, each page of this illustrated humor book is laugh-out-loud funny.
Simple yet effective comic-style imagery and short, hilarious quips come together to create an amusing adventure through a range of unique grievances and wide-eyed dilemmas, from the sock whose only friends have gone missing to the houseplant whose friends are being slowly killed by irresponsible plant owners (like you).
Cute and dark all at once, this children's book for adults presents endlessly entertaining stories about life and existential predicaments.
30. Go The F*ck To Sleep Kid’s Book
Go The F*ck To Sleep Kid’s Book by Adam Mansbach
Go the Fk to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don't always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland.
Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, California Book Award-winning author Adam Mansbach's verses perfectly capture the familiar--and unspoken--tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night.
In the process, they open up a conversation about parenting, granting us permission to admit our frustrations and laugh at their absurdity.
With illustrations by Ricardo Cortes, Go the Fk to Sleep is beautiful, subversive, and pants-wittingly funny--a book for parents new, old, and expectant. You probably should not read it to your children.
Seriously, Just Go to Sleep, a children's book inspired by Go the F**k to Sleep and appropriate for kids of all ages, is also available, as well as Seriously, You Have to Eat for finicky ones everywhere.
The Shocking Side of Dirty Children's Books
Whoever came up with the old saying you shouldn't judge a book by its cover will be eating their words after this article.
Growing up in the '80s, '90s, and even the early 2000s, every child has a favorite bedtime story or book series.
Something that has captured their imagination and made us a little bit smarter, but not all books are wholesome.
There've been some of the most perverted children's books ever written that don't exactly have positive effects.
I'm talking about books that, if they got in the hands of a young, would cause them to grow into... Imagine Donald Trump without the money.
Jaw-dropping, cringe-worthy, or just plain ridiculous, it's unbelievable that any of these books ever made it onto store shelves, let alone into the hands of children.
Prepare yourself for this one and lose just a little bit more faith in humanity, because there are the top 30 dirty kids books ever that exist!
Conclusion: Inappropriate children's books should be thrown in the trash
"Books are the ladder of human progress." This sentence will never be out of date. For children, reading more books is like not being picky eaters and eating seriously.
The rich "food" will eventually be transformed into bones, flesh and blood, thoughts, and characters, helping children grow into healthy and progressive people.
Good books always give people silent enlightenment, especially children's books. No matter when you open it, the content in the book can nourish people's spirits.
But these days, some children's books are poorly produced, riddled with typos, and filled with inappropriate content.
Reading such books can't guide children to establish a code of conduct that conforms to social norms, can't enrich their knowledge reserves, and subtly improve their ability to solve problems.
The appropriate book can be read in different ways at different ages and can be read with different interests and meanings at different stages.
When older children read books, they will be more integrated with their own life experiences and get more and more appropriate feelings.
To love a child should support and guide him to read correctly. Reading is not necessarily about acquiring knowledge, but more about cultivating children's reading habits.
Only when children have good reading habits can they continue to soar freely on the road of learning in the future.
Therefore, for those books, don't hesitate, just sweep them into the dustbin of history.
Now you're just a little bit smarter and more horrified. Okay then, tell us which of these you’re going to pick up and read to the nearest kid you can find.
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Inappropriate Kids Books
- Inappropriate Children's Book - Amazon
- I’d Really Like to Eat a Child
- All My Friends Are Dead
- Stella the Stinky Cat
- Gomer the Gassy Goat
- Do You Want to Play With My Balls?
- Pooh Gets Stuck
- I Hate Everything
- Cooking with Pooh
- Herein Lies the Importance of Editors
- No, No, Definitely Not
- Do We Even Want to Know?
- It Seems like Teddy Should Be on Some Sort of List
- That Sounds like a Question for Child Protective Services
- Demonstrating the Importance of Context
- This Would Be a Lot Less Creepy with a Different Illustration
- Damnit Ben, She Said Not Yet
- What Could This Even Be About?
- Who Knew Elephants Were into That Sort of Thing?
- The Goat's Presence Is the Most Disturbing Part
- Written by Your Creepy Uncle
- Those Poor Lost Boys
- The Chocolate Rooster Just Didn't Sound as Appetizing
- The Only Time Turtles Don't Like to Take It Slow
- Aunt Bea Say 'Pucker Up'
- What the Hell Is Wrong with You George?
- Thomas, What Have You Become?
- The Only Reason They Know How to Tie All Those Knots
- Everyone Deserves a Happy Ending
- I Think I'll Pass
- Do You Want To Play With My Balls?
- I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much
- Who Cares About Elderly People?
- The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts
- Monsters Eat Whiny Children
- The Night Dad Went to Jail
- Polly Paints a Penis
- The House That Crack Built
- If You Give a Pig the White House
- Find Out by Touching
- Maggie Goes on a Diet
- My Big Sister Takes Drugs
- Am I the A--hole?
- So, You've Got a Fat Pussy
- The Very Hungover Caterpillar
Inappropriate Children’s Books for Adults
- Go The F*ck To Sleep Kid’s Book
- Alphabet Of Terrible Advice Book
- All My Friends Are Dead Kid’s Book
- Pop-Up Book Of Phobias
- Nobody Likes A Cockblock Book
- Oh The Places You’ll Eff Up Parody Book
- The Lovecraft Alphabet Book
- Awkward Moments Children’s Bible
- So You’ve Got A Fat Pussy Book
- Do You Want To Play With My Balls
- Brenda’s Beaver Needs A Barber
- Suzy Likes To Look At Balls
- Games You Can Play With Your Pussy
- Nobody Likes a Cockblock
- Go the F**k to Sleep
- You Have to F**king Eat
- How to Traumatize Your Children
- Everyone’s an A**hole
- K is for Knifeball
- Pat the Zombie: A Cruel Adult Spoof
- Monsters Eat Whiny Children
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About Muhiuddin Alam
Muhiuddin Alam is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of ReadingAndThinking.com. He serves as a consistent contributor to various websites and publications, including Medium, Quora, Reddit, Linkedin, Substack, Vocal, Flipboard, and Amazon KDP. Alam personally read numerous books and, for the past 10 years, has been providing book recommendations and reviews. Find Me: About Me & Google Knowledge Panel.
