The 23 Most Inappropriate Children's Books Ever and Horrible to Read

Today we will talk about the most inappropriate children's books ever written and horrible to read

What book encourages kids to catch a life-threatening disease? These are 23 of the most horrible and inappropriate books for children you’ll ever find

Whoever came up with the old saying you shouldn't judge a book by its cover will be eating their words after this article. Growing up in the '80s, '90s, and even the early 2000s, every child has a favorite bedtime story or book series. 

Something that has captured their imagination and made us a little bit smarter, but not all books are wholesome. 

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The 23 Most Inappropriate Children's Books Ever and Horrible to Read


In fact, there've been some most horrible children's books ever written that don't exactly have positive effects. I'm talking about books that, if they got in the hands of a young, would cause them to grow into... Imagine Donald Trump without the money. 

Jaw-dropping, cringe-worthy, or just plain ridiculous, it's unbelievable that any of these books ever made it onto store shelves, let alone into the hands of children. 

Prepare yourself for this one and to lose just a little bit more faith in humanity, because there are the top 23 most inappropriate children's books ever that actually exist! 



1. I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much 


"I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much." Written by Judith Vigna and published in 1998, this uplifting story is brought to you by the same author as "My Big Sister Takes Drugs," "Saying Goodbye to Daddy" and "She's Not My Real Mother." 

There is a whole spectrum of traumatizing reading material that this author has pumped out. "I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much," tells the tale of a young girl dealing with an alcoholic father. Now, this story initially was aimed at children who can relate to the issue of an alcoholic father but has since seen a spike in sales as a popular gag pregnancy gift. 

That's a disturbing gift to give a pregnant woman. It's like, here, I'm sure the father was drunk when that happened. 

but this is actually about exactly what it sounds like. It’s a serious look into living with an alcoholic parent. We can have a chuckle at it because the title is amusingly straightforward, but lots of kids have probably gotten a lot of help from this book, so let’s give it, and author Judith Vigna, some respect. 

On the other hand, we can be awful people and have a bit of fun. Here’s an excerpt: "I knew it was only Daddy in a Santa suit because he bumped into my bed twice and spilled beer on the rug".


2. Cooking with Pooh 


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"Cooking with Pooh." Written by Marlene Brown and published in 1995, "Cooking with Pooh" is just one of many Winnie The Pooh stories that were poorly titled. Described as the perfect combination of a book and activity in a reusable box, the pages offer simple step-by-step directions for making cookies, pizzas, and sandwiches as well as edible holiday ornaments and much more. 

Popular with kids, the book actually has a five-out-of-five review on Barnes & Noble because, well the content is great, it's mostly just the title that's poorly worded. This is, of course, the first of many poorly worded upcoming Winnie The Pooh books, including Pooh Got Stuck, Pooh on My Lap, and Smells Like Honey, Pooh, in bookstores near you soon.
 

3. The Loneliest Ho in the World 


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"The Loneliest Ho in the World." 
Written by Travis Heaton and published in 2002, this Christmas tale begins with Santa preparing to depart with his reindeer. He congratulates the elves on a job well done by sharing with them some, elf juice, and when he boards his sleigh until comes to the realization that he's forgotten his ho's. 

Christmas isn't Christmas without ho's, Santa proclaims. Ain't that the truth! 

This book says it’s about Santa Claus’ “strangest and funniest adventure.” That is probably a very apt description for this story. It just sounds like that story probably shouldn’t be told to anyone under the age of 18.


4. Let's Play Indoors 


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Number six is "Let's Play Indoors." Written by Juliet Scott Miller and published in 2011, this book is like a pervert manual. It's disturbing. The book is full of a bunch of suggested games that really aren't that appropriate for kids like the post office where one player becomes a mailman and is supposed to go around delivering hugs and kisses to other kids. 

There's another game called poor pussy, in which one player acts like a scolded kitty walking around on all fours looking for an owner who must say to them, poor pussy three times without cracking a smile. 

I'm not gonna get into the other games, cause this is just like a really disturbing book, but yeah, highly recommended that you do not purchase this for your child. Unless you want them to have therapy bills, you know, for the rest of their life.
 

5. Games You Can Play With Your Pussy 


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"Games You Can Play With Your Pussy." This is the type of book that, when you spot it on a shelf, it's hard to pass by without a double-take. Written by Ira Alterman, this book has been a popular seller since its release in 1985. Written for kids with cats, the chapters answer all of their burning cat questions, like how to feed your pussy, how to eat with your pussy, disciplining your pussy, naming your pussy, and nursing your sick pussy. 

The book is humorous in nature, of course, and the reviews on Amazon all have five stars, so apparently somebody's getting something out of this book. Again though, that title, it's just a little suggestive. A little suggestive, very suggestive.
 

6. The Night Dad Went to Jail 


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"The Night Dad Went to Jail." Written by Melissa Higgins and published in 2013, this book is all about how to cope with and what to expect, when someone you love goes to jail. It follows a young rabbit who goes through the motions of what it's like to experience his rabbit father going to jail. This author has also written other uplifting life lessons, such as "Weekends With Dad: What to Expect When Your Parents Divorce." 

I get what the author's trying to do here by helping young kids cope with real-life situations, but damn! Kids already don't read that much. We don't need to scare them off with books like this. 


7. Go the F**k to Sleep 


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And number 10 is "Go the F**k to Sleep." Written by Adam Mansbach and published in 2011, this one is likely the most infamous of all of the books on this list. It became an Amazon bestseller a month before the book was even released. 

"Go the F**k to Sleep" was inspired by the author's personal anguish over his lack of sleep while nursing his then two-year-old daughter. What started off as a joke received so much positive feedback online that Adam got to work writing the children's tale in the story of a classic rhyming bedtime story.


8. Curious George Takes a Job 


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Curious George is always getting into mischief. Remember that time he hid from the Man With the Yellow Hat? Or that other time he had a drug trip and passed out from huffing ether? Yes, that’s a real thing, and it happened in the SECOND Curious George book. 

And it’s not just that he smells it – the sheer detail that the drug trip is described with, well, let’s just say the author may have had some experience. The takeaway here is that huffing ether makes you feel like you’re flying.
 

9. Who Cares About Elderly People? 


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In fairness, this book is actually about why you SHOULD care about elderly people. The problem is that the title sounds like it’s saying, who cares about THOSE people.” 

The Who Cares series helps us to learn about ourselves, our world, and our responsibilities and fosters caring to share, and loving instincts. The latest, Law and Order, teaches us that we have to respect the law and the rights of others, and shows what sometimes happens if we don't.


10. Where Willy Went 


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This is exactly what it looks like, and hey, good on them for dealing with topics parents hate talking about. So quick plot summary here, Willy is a sperm. 

He lives inside a man with 300 million of his friends, where they all prepare for the Great Swimming Race. Nobody tells Willy that where he went is probably a tissue, okay?


11. Maggie Goes On a Diet 


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You may as well call this book If You Want To Stop Being Worthless, Stop Being So Fat, You Fatass. Sure, it’s trying to address childhood obesity, but the book barely even addresses healthy living and exercise. It just starts by telling us that Maggie is fat, unpopular, and has no friends. 

Then she loses weight, can wear cute clothes, and becomes everyone’s favorite person ever. So the message is basically, don’t worry about being a decent human being. If you’re a skinny girl, everyone will love you regardless. 


12. The Muffin Muncher 


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Hey, let’s be fair to author Stephen Cosgrove. This is a book with a message about sharing and cooperating with others. 

He couldn’t have known in 1974 what muffin munching would come to mean four decades later. This book is still available… but it’s called “The Muffin Dragon” now.
 

13. Fireflies for Nathan 


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She probably just means he’s gone for the weekend or maybe gone from Nana’s home when he went to live on his.  

Offers a look into the special bond between a child and his grandparents as Nathan, during a visit to his grandparents, discovers that they have kept the jar with which his father used to collect fireflies, demonstrating the simple yet special connections between generations.


14. My Big Sister Takes Drugs 


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Judith Vigna strikes again! Just like I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much, this is a serious book for kids about a topic that is difficult to discuss. Also like that book, its title is so blatantly direct, that it doesn’t even sound like a real book title. 

There are a number of other Judith Vigna staples, and yes these are all very real and very much written by the same person: Saying Goodbye to DaddyMy Two Uncles, Mommy and Me by Ourselves Again, When Eric’s Mom Fought Cancer, She’s Not My Real Mother, Daddy’s New Baby, and my favorite Nobody Wants a Nuclear War


15. Monsters Eat Whiny Children 


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Scaring kids into behaving by telling them bad things will happen to them is a time-honored tradition, but this book seems a little light on the “teaching a lesson” part.” 

It’s just a series of scenarios in which terrified children are packed into food while monsters talk about how excited they are to eat them. And then the kids escape because the monsters are ALSO whiny. In this format, it kind of just feels like a mean-spirited threat. 

This cautionary tale about whiny children being eaten by monsters is upended when the monsters cannot decide how best to prepare their meal. A whiny child salad doesn't work because there's paprika in the dressing. A whiny child cake won't do because the flour spills all over the floor. 

Whiny child burgers are out of the question because the grill is too hard to light. When the persnickety monsters finally decide that whiny child cucumber sandwiches are the perfect solution, their whiny children have escaped. At least the children have learned their lesson...for now.


16. Stinky Steve Explains Daddy's Dabs 


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Here’s a book in which a skunk named Stinky Steve, who is appropriately sending up a cloud of green smoke on every single book cover, educates kids on the nature of marijuana concentrates. 

This is part of a series of books about medical marijuana, all starring Stinky Steve. Some other titles are “Stinky Steve Explains Mommy’s Medibles,” and “Stinky Steve Explains Why Papa’s in Prison for Pot.” That last one sounds like a joke, but look, it’s a real thing. 

Cannabis concentrates, whether eaten, smoked, or vaporized are some of the most potent medications on earth. While they are safer than many prescriptions, they still pose some risk to children, especially children who do not know what they are or why they are used. 

Some important conversations are hard to have, but thanks to Stinky Steve, talking to the children you love about cannabis concentrates doesn't have to be one of them! Let Stinky Steve facilitate a conversation about cannabis concentrates and safety today!


17. Harpo’s Horrible Secret 


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Let’s address the elephant in the room first. Why is this old guy standing THIS CLOSE to this little boy? Is that the horrible secret? It’s not, actually. Harpo’s great-granddad has Alzheimer’s, and Harpo himself is a stupid kid who doesn’t understand what that means, so he thinks he has it too. That’s the secret. So actually, this is just a highly questionable drawing.

When Harpo's great-grandfather, who has Alzheimer's, comes to live with him and his family, Harpo fears that he himself has the disease because he shares his relative's tendency to make things up.


18. If a Peacock Finds a Pot Leaf 


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They’re clearly going for the “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” thing here, but this is a little different. Of course, if the peacock finds the pot leaf, chances are he’ll also find a cookie soon enough. This is billed as both an educational children’s book and a fairy tale. Basically, Peter, the Peacock finds a special kind of leaf, and all the other animals in the forest tell him how rad it is. 

The first installment of educational children's books about Peter the peacock, start when Peter is going for a walk in the forest and discovers a new leaf, he goes on to meet up with some helpful creatures who teach him the many benefits and uses of Medical Marijuana.

The totally real follow-up book is “If a Peacock Discovers Hemp Island.” 


19. Little Bobby Is Drunk Again 

This book is unsettling for multiple reasons. Let's start with the fact that Herbert Biddleman was never a real person, but instead a pseudonym for the real writer, L. Ron Hubbard. If that name sounds familiar, that's because he was the father of modern Scientology. 

In fact, "Little Bobby's Drunk Again" became the manifesto for Scientology. This uplifting book tells the story of Bobby Gulpingwhiskey, who lives in the town of Dump Water, Florida. When life, school, and the Vietnam War become too much, he becomes an alcoholic, drinking under the sink. More disturbingly, he starts pulling out all of his hair and ripping off his skin in a failed attempt to regain his humanity. He eventually dies, and meets his death from alcohol poisoning, a big surprise, in an opium den and has to spend eternity licking whipped cream off the hairy back of a myopic potato peeler.

20. Who Will Toss My Salad? 

This book is published by Little Golden Book in the early '90s, this book explores the benefits of eating vegetables and gardening with a young female character. Again, this is a book whose content is actually just fine, but whose title is oh so ill-advised. For those that don't know, and for the young kids watching, earmuffs, tossing the salad is a term for, well, it's a sexual act that involves the butt. 

This is an excellent example of why every author should be aware of popular slang and not just proper English. This title suggests something really bad that I'm just not gonna get into, especially considering the character in the book.

21. You Can't Be an Astronaut, It's Just Not Realistic 

Nothing like a book that encourages our kids to be their best! Written by Joseph Smets, this book is a 26-page story that documents a boy who meets astronauts and shares his dream of having a career in the future. Except that they point blank tell him not to bother. 

They go even further by telling the boy of the complicated prerequisites and the difficult trigonometry involved. When the boy then asks if he could be an astrologist instead, they tell him astrology is a joke of a career. Something tells me author Joey had a little bit of a rough childhood.

22. Henry’s Special Coal 

Just once a simple question about this. What the hell is “special coal?” And why does Thomas look like he may have already taken some? Well, in its native UK, there is an episode of the Thomas the Tank Engine TV series called “Henry’s Happy Coal.” That probably narrows it down. 


23. Melanie’s Marvelous Measles 


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Melanie's Marvelous Measles by Stephanie Messenger 
This is a book glorifying how great it is to have measles. It’s about a girl who comes down with measles and LIKES it. This book isn’t just saying that vaccine isn’t worth the risk, it’s saying that it’s actually BETTER to get measles… than to NOT get measles. Just so we’re clear, measles is a potentially fatal disease that causes a high fever, severe cough, diarrhea, and occasionally, permanent brain damage.


Conclusion of the most inappropriate children's books ever

Now you're just a little bit smarter and more horrified. Okay then, tell us which of these you’re going to pick up and read to the nearest kid you can find.

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