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Welcome to my Blog. Today we review books: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray & 10 Other Similar Books.
Popular marriage counselor and seminar leader John Gray provides a unique, practical, and proven way for men and women to communicate and relate better by acknowledging the differences between them.
Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to Earth and amnesia set in: they forgot they were from different planets.
Using this metaphor to illustrate the commonly occurring conflicts between men and women, Gray explains how these differences can come between the sexes and prohibit mutually fulfilling loving relationships.
Based on years of successful counseling of couples, he gives in hse advice on communication styles, emotional needs, and modes of behavior to promote a greater understanding between individual partners.
Gray shows how men and women react differently in conversation and how their relationships are affected by male intimacy cycles ("get close", "back off"), and female self-esteem fluctuations ("I'm okay", "I'm not okay").
He encourages readers to accept the other gender's particular way of expressing love and helps men and women learn how to fulfill each other's emotional needs.
With practical suggestions on how to reduce conflict, crucial information on how to interpret a partner's behavior, and methods for preventing emotional "trash from the past" from invading new relationships, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a valuable tool for couples who want to develop deeper and more satisfying relationships with their partners.
About the author: John Gray
John Gray, Ph.D. in Psychology, is an internationally renowned expert on interpersonal and emotional issues.
Following the sensation of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus", he released three more best-selling books in the world, namely: "Men Dating North, Women Dating South", "Men Go Left in Bedroom, Women Go South" Bedroom to the Right" and "The Martian's Secret Recipe, Kim Joong-in's Health Rules".
Now, John Gray is known as the world's most famous expert on gender issues. He lives in Northern California, USA with his wife and three children.
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Book Review: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray
Chapter 1: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
Most importantly, realize that men and women are different, it doesn't mean that he/she loves you and has to be like you.
Chapter 2: Mr. Fix and Improve the Family Council
Men and women have different natural values, and two big mistakes: Men mistakenly provide answers and feelings of worthlessness; Women mistakenly provide unattractive advice and instructions.
Men are always willing to give Women offer "valuable advice" without knowing that women complain to men just to be heard and understood, without specific answers from men to their questions. Men like to set goals and solve problems.
Women are always willing to "help" men solve some problems, but they don't know that it is very important for men to solve problems independently. Women's "help" to men will make men very painful. Women are primarily concerned with relationships.
Chapter 3: Men need to go to their caves, and women need to talk
Martians tend to settle and quietly think about what bothers them; Venusians instinctively feel the need to talk about what bothers them.
When men are under stress, they will Try to solve it by themselves or find other things to distract themselves, and never want to "share" their stress with others.
When women face pressure, they will find someone to talk to, and they don’t need the other party to give a practical solution to the problem. Just listening is a great satisfaction for women.
However, when the man is in the "cave", the woman will go to the man to talk, and the man will usually be annoyed or absent-minded, which requires a mutual understanding between the two parties.
On the basis of realizing listening, men can try to use listening to solve women's problems as their own problems to test themselves.
Chapter 4: How to Inspire the Opposite Sex
Men are aroused when they feel needed; women are aroused when they feel cherished. Three steps to improving relationships. How to overcome our big challenges: Men need to overcome their stinginess to give love; women need to get over their stinginess to receive love.
When a man falls in love, he breaks the customary concept of winning and losing (zero-sum) and pursues a win-win situation for himself and his partner.
Once a man finds that the love he gives has not received feedback, that is to say, the other party has not shown a need for him, he will be frustrated and give up giving love.
The prerequisite for a woman to accept and appreciate a man's support is that he can empathize with, understand, identify with, and sympathize with her situation, but men don't know this, because the Martian instinct tells them that they are better left alone when they are sad, so when When she was upset, she respected her by leaving him alone or staying behind to try to work things out.
As the two mature, the woman learns that she has sacrificed too much to please her partner; the man also knows that he can give others better service and respect.
Women have to try to set a boundary, which defines what they can and cannot compromise. Men should try to accept this boundary and change with women. In the same way, women should know what to ask of each other, and men will be motivated when they know they are needed.
"Need" is based on women's trust in each other.
However, excessive demands will make women feel the loss of their own value. For a long time, Venusians have shown their value by giving, but they should realize that they should be loved.
Men are afraid to try to love because they are afraid of failure.
Men will feel that it is their own failure because the other party is always complaining about disappointment or displeasure, which also makes men unwilling to listen.
Chapter 5: Speaking Different Languages
Men and women keep misunderstanding each other because they speak different languages. How men and women talk and stop talking for completely different reasons. What women do when men stop talking. How men become Better listeners.
Women resort to many of the worst grammar, lingo, and conceptual language to express their feelings. Men take this expression seriously.
But they're actually not that bad. What they need is not a solution to the problem, but just appropriate comfort.
The only time women are silent is when what they say hurts, so they cannot understand a man's silence.
When a man enters the cave, the best way for a woman is to ignore it and do something she likes, which is the greatest support for the man in the cave.
In order to improve the relationship between the sexes, we have to make some small changes. Big changes usually require suppressing our own nature, and that is not a good sign.
Before a man enters the cave, he should remember to say to the other party: "I will be back."
Chapter 6: Men are like rubber bands
how do men and women have different requirements for intimacy? After intimacy, men will inevitably need to pull away, and women will learn how to support The process by which the man pulls away so that he bounces back like a rubber band. Women also learn the best times to talk intimately with a man.
when a woman doesn't trust them to understand her feelings When he hurt her, or he did something wrong to disappoint her, she took the way of disengagement.
Men disengage in order to satisfy independence and autonomy (even though the other party has not done anything to make them feel uncomfortable).
After a man has been separated for a period of time, he will have a need for intimacy again, and there is no need for a familiar process when he restores intimacy. This panics women as much as when a man pulls away, so men should have the patience to talk to each other.
When a woman understands that a man is like a rubber band, she should allow the other party to leave temporarily instead of chasing after him.
After a man gets along with his partner to a certain extent, he will inhibit himself, he will lose touch with himself because of feeling her needs, problems, and feelings. Disengagement can help him re-establish his personal boundaries and satisfy his need for autonomy.
When a man is appreciated for listening and not rejected for not sharing, he will gradually open up. The key is that women should encourage men's performance instead of complaining blindly.
When a man gets too close and doesn't disengage, common symptoms are moodiness, short temper, passivity, and defensiveness.
A woman may unknowingly interfere with a man's natural intimacy cycle in two ways:
- Capture him when he withdraws;
- Penalize him for withdrawing.
Some men may mistakenly believe that they don't need to leave, so they naturally develop their feminine side, but suppress their masculinity.
He becomes sensitive and tries so hard to please and love others that he loses his masculinity.
Breaking away made him feel guilty, and he lost his desire, strength, and enthusiasm in a daze, and became passive and overly dependent.
Chapter 7: Women are like waves
how does a woman's love attitude fluctuate periodically, men will learn how to correctly judge women's occasional emotional changes, know when women need to care most, how to skillfully respond to women's emotional ups and downs), and support them without giving up.
During her downfall, she has a special need to talk to others about her problems, to be heard and understood.
Men don't understand women's wave-like changes and will blame the other party's unhappiness on themselves.
When a woman is at a low point, it's time for a man to support her, not fix her problems.
When a woman comes out of a slump, it doesn't necessarily mean her problems are solved, the changes are cyclical.
Some women suppress their negative feelings. Repressing negative feelings leads to repressing positive feelings, and love is dead. When a woman is at a low ebb, she is doing emotional housecleaning.
Men fight for the right to be free, and women fight for the right to be sad. Men need space, and women need understanding.
Chapter 8: The different emotional needs of men and women
how do men and women give the love they need, not the love that the opposite sex needs? Men basically need the love of trust, acceptance, and gratitude; women basically need the love of consideration, understanding, and respect Love. Six ways that are often used unconsciously to avoid a spouse.
Women need: care, understanding, respect, loyalty, approval, and comfort.
Men need: trust, acceptance, gratitude, praise, affirmation, encouragement
These are in full acceptance A basic need that must be met before we can appreciate other love.
- Care-Trust: When a man expresses interest in a woman's feelings and cares about her well-being, she feels loved and cared for. If he makes her feel special because of this, he has successfully met her first basic need, and she will automatically trust him more, and become more open and tolerant.
- Knowing-Accepting: The right-knowing attitude is not assuming a previously known personal thought or feeling. A woman's acceptance is not to change him.
- Respect-appreciation: She feels respected if a man recognizes and prioritizes her rights, wishes, and needs.
- Comfort-encouragement: When a man repeatedly shows concern, understanding, respect, approval, and loyalty, the woman's need for comfort is completed.
Although a man is very grateful for your care and help, sometimes too much care and help will reduce his confidence.
How to listen calmly:
- You are angry because you don't understand her point of view, not because she caused your anger;
- "Feelings" will not always be understood immediately, but she still needs to empathize;
- The anger may be caused by you being overwhelmed. Even if she doesn't feel better immediately, you will definitely help her by listening and understanding;
- Don't try to fully understand her point of view in order to be a good listener to her;
- You are not responsible for her feelings, she may seem to blame you, but in fact, she just needs to be understood.
What to do and what not to do:
- Have a responsibility to get to know her, don't blame her for causing you sadness;
- Try to imagine how you would feel if you were in her shoes;
- Don't blame her for not having cause Your answer makes me feel better. Be sure to avoid arguments;
- If you want to express a different point of view, please make sure she has finished speaking, and then repeat her point of view before you express it. Don't raise your voice;
- Let her know that you don't understand, but want to understand. Be responsible for what you don't understand, and don't criticize or accuse her of being difficult to understand;
- Don't argue with her feelings and opinions, and find time to discuss things after the mood is more stable.
In a woman's world, giving advice is seen as an act of love, but not in a man's world.
When a man feels trusted, accepted, appreciated, etc., he will automatically change, grow, and improve.
Chapter 9: How to Avoid Arguments
Men will learn that thinking they are right makes a woman's feelings worthless; women will learn how they can unconsciously send disappointment For her disagreement, thus triggering the man's defensiveness. Discuss the resolution of the argument and many practical suggestions for building supportive communication.
Don't argue or fight, it is possible to communicate negative feelings honestly and openly.
Some couples quarrel all the time, and their love gradually dies; some couples try their best to suppress their true feelings in order to avoid conflicts and arguments, and as a result, they lose the opportunity to contact love.
The closer we get to people, the harder it is to listen to them objectively.
Harm is not caused by what we say, but by how we say it.
When a man is challenged, he gets so focused on right and wrong that he forgets to show love. The man hurt the woman by speaking inconsiderately but told the woman why she didn't get over her sadness.
He mistook her for disagreeing with him, not realizing that it was his unloving way of speaking that upset her, and because he didn't understand her reaction, he tried to explain the correctness of what he said, but he didn't know how to correct his way of speaking.
As soon as a woman feels challenged, her tone of voice changes to distrust and rejection. Rejection can hurt a man, especially when he is now in a relationship.
It takes two people to start an argument, but it only takes one person to stop it.
When a disagreement turns into an argument, you can take responsibility for discernment, stop the conversation, take a break, reflect on how you are treating your spouse, try to understand if you are not giving the other person what they need, and then come back to the conversation at a later time, but with love and respect.
There are four attitudes you can use to protect yourself from an argument: Fight, Avoid, Pretend, and Hide.
- Fighting: Their inner motivation is to coerce their spouse to love them and support them. When spouses back down, they think they've won, when in fact they've lost.
- Avoidance: Instead of directly hurting their spouse like a quarrelsome person, they hurt their spouse indirectly by slowly depriving them of the love they deserve. The short-term gain is peace and harmony, but if things aren't talked about and feelings aren't spoken, anger is bound to continue.
- Pretending: After a period of pretending, women will become angrier. They always give to their spouses, but they don't get anything back. To keep the relationship from faltering, a woman will fool herself into believing that everything is fine when it is not. To avoid possible conflict, she sacrifices or suppresses her needs and feelings.
- Hide: How to make her not argue:
- She needs to be recognized and cherished, not criticized and ignored;
- She needs to be respected and cared for, not put at the bottom of the priority order;
- He needs to understand why she's sad and reassure her that he still loves her and that she doesn't have to be perfect. She doesn't want to feel insecure;
- She needs to be understood and respected, not bullied and suppressed;
- She needs to feel that he cares about her;
- She needs to be recognized and understood, and she doesn't want to feel without love and support;
- She needs to be sure that he is listening and that he cares about what she has to say, and she doesn't want him to ignore her or criticize her;
- She needs to be respected and cherished, especially if she is sharing feelings, otherwise, she will feel insecure.
The "model" of the argument:
- a woman expresses her sad feelings about someone or something;
- a man explains why she is sad because she doesn't change;
- Disapproval and upset;
- He blames her for causing his upset and expects an apology;
- She surprises with an apology for what happened, or worse, an argument blows up into a fight.
Practice not blaming her for being upset, but instead looking for reasons why I made her upset and expressing my concern for her.
Whether she misunderstands me or not, as long as she feels hurt by me, I must let her know that I care about her and apologize to her. When she is sad, I first learn to listen and then try to understand what she is sad about.
Men rarely say "sorry" because saying sorry on Mars means you did something wrong and apologies, but a woman saying "sorry" is equivalent to saying "I care about your feelings" rather than apologizing for something you didn't do wrong.
If a man does not agree with a woman's feelings, the woman responds with a negative response. Most arguments will be amplified by this.
A man offers practical solutions to a problem and expects her to be relaxed and happy, unaware that this approach makes her feel unapproved and unsupported.
A common way women unknowingly start an argument is by refusing to share their feelings directly. Instead of directly expressing her disappointment or dissatisfaction, a woman asks the participants questions and casually sends a negative message.
Most men are too shy to admit how much affirmation they need, they can go for a long time to prove that they don't need affirmation, but when a woman really doesn't affirm him, he immediately becomes cold and defensive because their needs are hurt.
A man is most sensitive when he makes a mistake or forgets a task or responsibility, and that's when he needs her love the most.
Remember, no matter how correct the language you choose, what matters most is the feeling behind the language.
Chapter 10: Scoring of the Opposite Sex
Men will learn that to a Venusian, every love gift, no matter how big or small, gets the same points as any other gift. Men value small manifestations of love, not large gifts.
Regardless of whether the gift of love is large or small, a woman only counts one point, and each gift is of equal value.
Through mystical powers of perception, men focus on doing great things for their spouse, while neglecting the small things that can satisfy a woman in a relationship. In order to satisfy a woman, a man must understand her need for love and support.
Little things that can add points: practice listening and asking questions; plan appointments ahead of time and don't wait until the weekend to ask what she wants to do; Hurt, give her sympathy, and tell him: "I'm sorry for hurting you."
Then be silent, let her feel that you understand her hurt, and don't provide answers or explain that her hurt is not your fault; when she talks to you When speaking, put down the newspaper or turn off the TV and give her your full attention; hug her four times a day; make the bed, clean the bedroom; massage her back, neck, or feet; show your affection for her in public; Your hands are weak; be considerate of her lateness or impromptu decision to change clothes; buy her accessories (take a photo of her and ask the clerk to help her choose accessories); let her see you put her photo on your wallet, and keep updating; treat her the same way you did when you first started the relationship.
If he forgets to do the little things, she should remember that it doesn't mean he doesn't love her, but that he's refocused on doing the big things.
Success in roles at home can be reflected in a career. My career success is not only dependent on hard work, but also on my ability to earn the trust of others. Being loved by my family not only makes me more confident, but other people also believe in me and appreciate me more.
Most men want to work hard to be successful, and they believe that being successful is the only way to strengthen love. Deep inside they long for love and admiration from others, and they don't know that they don't have to be successful to get love and admiration.
Every time a woman appreciates a man for something he does for her, he feels loved and gives her a point in return. From a man, he asks for nothing but love.
When a woman is upset because a man made a mistake, a man can be very angry. When a man makes a mistake or is shy, he needs her love even more.
Chapter 11: How to Communicate Difficult Feelings
How to Communicate with Each Other When Difficult Times Are Difficult. The Different Ways Men and Women Hide Their Feelings and the Importance of Sharing them.
When we are sad, disappointed, frustrated, or angry, it can be difficult to communicate lovingly.
When this is the case, the woman has an unwitting tendency to scold the man, making him feel guilty for his actions, the woman assumes the worst, tone like criticism and vibes, and ignores what the spouse has gone through.
When a man is sad, he tends to blame the woman and her feelings, and when his negative feelings fluctuate, it is difficult to speak in a caring, understanding, respectful way, likewise not aware of how deeply his negative attitude is hurting her.
Writing out your negative feelings is a great way to gauge how unloving you are, and it can also lessen the intensity of negative feelings, giving more room for positive feelings to come to life.
You can also use the same method mentally. Restrain your emotions as much as you are talking, and later mentally recall what happened, use your imagination to imagine that you are talking about your feelings, thoughts, and needs—without embodying yourself in any way.
By expressing your truest inner feelings through constant inner dialogue, you will suddenly be free from the negative control.
The best way to alleviate negative feelings and communicate with love is to use the love letter technique.
- Write a love letter expressing your feelings of anger, sadness, fear, regret, and love;
- Write a response letter expressing your desire to hear what your spouse has to say;
- Share your love letter and response with your spouse's letter.
We often need to feel negative feelings first to discover loving feelings. Don't stop writing letters until the feeling of love comes, wait patiently for love to appear.
Some people are prone to writing about their negative feelings but have a hard time discovering loving feelings, so it's especially important to write a response letter that explores what they want to hear.
Sometimes women object to writing response letters, and they expect their spouse to know what to say. They have a feeling hidden in their hearts: "I don't want to tell him what I need. If he really loves me, he should know."
At this time, women should remember that men are from Mars, and he really doesn't know what women need, someone needs to tell him.
It is very helpful to read your spouse's letter aloud, it will make your spouse feel heard again.
Successful relationships depend on two facts: a man's ability to listen to a woman's feelings with love and respect, and a woman's ability to share her feelings with love and respect.
Love letters work because they know that you can heal the pain inside by writing the full truth about all your feelings. We must be able to feel the four basic levels of emotional pain: anger, sadness, fear, and regret.
It can be difficult to understand and accept another person's negative feelings if your negative feelings are not heard and supported.
The act of avoiding negative emotions allows them to take over our lives.
Men force themselves to be successful in an attempt to win love in order to reduce inner emotional pain and turmoil; women force themselves to be perfect in an attempt to make themselves worthy of love in order to reduce emotional pain. Anything taken too far can numb the unresolved pain of the past.
When you write a love letter, you love yourself, but when you share a love letter, you receive love.
Chapter 12: How to Ask and Get Support
Why Venusians Difficult Asking for Support, Why Martians Resist Requests.
If you're not getting the support you want in your relationship, the main reason may be that you're not asking enough or asking in the wrong way.
Women make the mistake of thinking that they don't have to ask for support because they assume that men, like them, can directly sense the needs of others and offer any support. She sometimes deliberately does not ask to test whether he really loves her.
A man will not offer support unless someone asks for it. If you ask him in an inappropriate way, he may ignore you; if you don't ask at all, you are likely to get little or nothing.
A woman keeps giving without asking, a woman doesn't ask, and a man thinks he has given enough. If things go on like this, grievances will form.
1. Practice asking for what you've already got: ask for the little things he's already done, and then offer him heartfelt gratitude. Don't expect unsolicited support from him just yet.
2. Four principles for asking properly: Proper timing, non-commanding attitude, brevity, and directness still get your love. Remember that once men have the freedom to say no, they are more likely to say yes.
When you ask a man for support and don't turn him down for saying no, he will remember and be more willing to support you next time.
3. Practice definite requests: You ask for his support, if he still resists your request, you don't say "no", you have to practice accepting his resistance, but continue to wait for him to say yes.
Women often misinterpret a man's complaints as his way of not wanting to meet her needs, when this is not the case, a man's complaints indicate that he is considering the request.
A woman should remain silent at this time, rather than argue with the other party. Our past feelings don't just show up when we're in love, but also when we're happy.
Chapter Thirteen: In Love Forever
Your past or your spouse's past can affect your current relationship. Other important insights for keeping love alive.
For years we repress painful feelings, and one day, we fall in love, and love is when we feel safe enough to open ourselves up and feel the feelings. So we start to feel the pain of the past.
In fact, 90 percent of our sadness is related to the past, and it is because we cannot figure out why we are sad inexplicably.
Knowing how your past affects how you respond in the present can help heal your feelings. The best way is to write a love letter.
Book Summary: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray
After reading this book in one breath, I can't help but feel a lot of emotion:
"Premise" of emotion:
This book is not a panacea, and it is not suitable for all couples, all situations, and all conflicts. If reading this book is of great help to the relationship between the two, certain prerequisites are required, as follows:
- A man and a woman must first love each other deep in their hearts, or have to love each other (such as husband and wife), and It is expected that the relationship between the two will continue to develop well; between male and female friends who have an unstable relationship or who do not take each other seriously in their hearts, it may not be effective;
- Men and women, their personalities and viewpoints must conform to the author's so-called Mars People and Venusians; if your idea is exactly what the author described, you can give it a try; (in fact, many times, many people have the characteristics of Martians and Venusians at the same time);
- Under the premise of 2, Both men and women should study the viewpoints in the book, and recognize and accept what the author said, otherwise, only one party agrees, and it may be futile; it may not be effective for paranoid, twisted, distorted people, etc. ;
- This book only solves the unhappiness caused by the two people's mutual incomprehension and different ways of handling things and has no solution to other contradictions.
The meaning is very simple, but over and over again, changing the words and sayings, repeatedly emphasizing and explaining repeatedly, what should have been explained clearly in a dozen pages, has been rambling for more than 300 pages.
Instead of being so wordy, it is better to write something practical (such as the content of page P197).
In the process of reading, I marked some important viewpoints (the first time in the process of marking), and I copied the marked parts sentence by sentence (the second time in the process of excerpting).
After finishing, I synthesized those with the same meaning (the third weight ranking). The summarized content is posted later,
- Men need women's approval and acceptance, not so-called transformation; in front of women, men are a species with strong vanity, and they can't stand women's pointing and self-smartness. Unless a man asks, don't give criticism and advice, and don't Always start from your own state of mind and habits, but learn more about a man’s psychology; only with her approval and acceptance, he is willing to accept;
- What a man rejects is not her needs and wishes, but the way she treats him; Only when a man feels that women appreciate him, trust him and that he is a problem solver, not a problem in the eyes of women, can he accept the transformation of women;
- Faced with pressure, a man will enter his "cave" in order to solve it alone.
- When a man feels that he is attractive enough to be needed by a woman, he will be full of energy. Vitality; she should express her gratitude to a man for his contribution and encourage him to make persistent efforts so that he can be more confident and give more;
- A woman should grasp her own limit and not let her contribution exceed the load; Put herself in the position of a pure family nanny; pay men in moderation, otherwise, it will be impossible to motivate men to act; women do not need to suppress, change their true feelings, or pretend to be self-sacrifice;
- Women should be timely Make a request, get support and strength, and make a man feel that he can do his best in an appropriate way; the main points of requesting support: grasp the timing, not give orders, be simple and clear, straightforward, and accurate in wording;
- Women should make men conscious Although she is full of complaints and complaints, she still loves him deeply;
- When a man gets close to estrangement, don't take it for granted to punish him; More love and consideration are needed;
- Even if a man is far from being perfect, a woman needs to accept it sincerely; let a man realize that even if he says no, he can still get your love;
- In the eyes of women, emotion, and communication are more important than work and technology;
- Men should learn to watch their words and expressions. If a woman seems to be in a bad mood and doesn’t want to discuss with you at all, men don’t have to make suggestions at all; men give good words to persuade or comfort, but they don’t get women’s grace. It’s not because of their own words. Wrong, It is the wrong timing and method of choice; only by listening properly can a woman be comforted and be grateful to him; when a woman speaks, you must pay attention to her feelings and not take her feelings seriously;
- In the face of pressure, a woman is not eager to solve the problem. She must first express her true feelings in exchange for the understanding and empathy of others so that she can feel relieved and comfortable; what she needs is not so much brilliant insights, but He is caring understanding, and consideration;
- A man hides in the "cave" and rarely realizes how alienated he is from a woman, which will bring harm to a woman; when a man suddenly becomes silent, a woman tends to think badly;
- A woman Only when you want to be cared for and respected by men can you feel satisfied, and you will be willing to pay more for men; what women need most is the comfort and support of men when they are unhappy; what women need is not priceless gifts, but It is considerate and caring everywhere;
- The "never" that women say never means "never"; women like to hint; just understanding women's words literally will lead to misjudgment; men should understand women's meaning,
- To understand a woman's instinct, even if she needs you, she may not say it, but hopes you will wink; a woman obeys you, but she may not be willing;
- Women have the right to be angry and get angry, it will make them feel better;
for men and women:
- When our partner resists our love, it may just be because we choose the wrong time and take the wrong way;
- Men and women, If you want to achieve more tacit understanding and better cooperation, you first need to have a deeper understanding of each other and understand each other's true feelings; attitudes of understanding, trust, consideration, acceptance, and support are the fundamental solutions to problems; good communication, requires mutual understanding and joint participation;
- When one party in the emotional relationship makes positive changes, the other party will also change accordingly;
- If you go against your nature, you may become irritable, irritable, negative, and sensitive, which will make the relationship worse; hiding your true thoughts and suppressing negative emotions will only make the unfortunate situation worse; any form of self-enclosed and Excessive forbearance can only bring more pain;
- Women need: care, understanding, respect, loyalty, thoughtfulness, and comfort; men need: trust, acceptance, gratitude, praise, recognition, and encouragement;
- All forms of love, complement each other and benefit each other;
- In a relationship, the most active part of the history of communication and communication, endless quarrels, is the most destructive factor; all unnecessary quarrels should be avoided as much as possible; the cause of quarrels: men Feel that women don't agree with his point of view, and women don't like the way men talk;
- The trick to avoiding quarrels is to communicate in a loving gesture and respect each other's needs and feelings; the best way to stop quarrels is to nip them in the bud state; to really avoid quarrels, the most important thing is to realize how men unconsciously reject and deny women’s feelings; how women inadvertently pass disappointment and frustration to men;
- When encountering problems, you must be able to see them.
- In many situations, a person needs to observe real emotions, including anger, sadness, fear, and remorse; do not use certain negative emotions to cover up other real emotions. Feeling;
- One of the paradoxes of love is that when you think things are going well, you encounter strong winds and waves;
Books similar to Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
We have 10 book recommendations similar to Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
1. Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage by Elizabeth Gilbert
This is the second book I've read by Liz Gilbert.
Apparently, this one is not as riveting as her phenomenal best-seller EPL but still, it's worth the reading.
I was most impressed by the consciousness behind each and every word Gilbert wrote in construing the meaning of marriage.
A mere reflection of how most women, or most women for that matter, get married makes this single conscious struggle from her extraordinary -- unlike most of us who takes getting married for granted, or who endeavor on the marital road before one exactly knows what that institution is all about and what it entails, Gilbert is "diligent" enough to stand out and say -- wait a minute.
have married women said about their marriage? what have historians commented on this institution? what is its relationship as a social institution with the state?
She thus conducted extensive research into works by sociologists, historians, psychologists, etc., and has varied inquiries with women across different nations and cultures.
her for all that effort. But all this exploration makes the book also a bit scholarly and less interesting. When I read to eat, pray, and love, I wouldn't have imagined this woman would one day write a book as serious as this one.
But marriage after all is a serious issue for everyone. And the reason Gilbert chooses to become part of this institution becomes absurdly, paradoxically simple, AND profound -- marriage as an institution embodies the human desire for intimacy and privacy so much that as it always has existed as an unbridled force that the state wants and never can control.
It, therefore, symbolizes a forceful freedom issuing from the most precious human instinct that lasts for thousands of years. Somewhere, sometime,
somehow, we all want to get united with someone.
2. Rework by Jason Fried
The content of the book is the experience of starting a small business.
The book is organized by several big questions, including pre-starting a business, starting a business, and business development.
Enterprise development also includes the timing of launching products, how to improve work efficiency, how to view competitors, how to promote products, how to hire new employees, how to deal with negative comments, and how to view corporate culture.
Each topic consists of several essays, each emphasizing only one point. The articles are short and concise, clarify the point of view, and then use your own experience or well-known examples to support it.
Well structured and easy to read. The entire book is also very small. All the truths are very simple, nothing unconventional. If you don't have time to read the whole book, just look at the table of contents, all the arguments are there.
Here are a few of the arguments in this article:
- Think about what you need before starting a business. Time and money are not a problem most of the time. If you want a good idea, you might as well try it yourself. A lot of today's big companies started out in garages in their spare time.
- Once you decide to take action, you must stick to it. Good business ideas come from solving problems encountered in daily life. Don't think too much and travel light.
- Don't be obsessed with the details, do a good job in the core functions, and find someone to try it out. Do your own things so that everything is within your control.
- Don't hold a meeting if you can't do it, and don't be a hero when you can't do well. Don't be a workaholic. Good rest brings creativity and energy.
- Imitating others is a dead end. Get to your core. Make practical, simple things.
- No special marketing, every contact with customers is marketing. Satisfied customers are the best marketing.
- Do not hire people unless absolutely necessary. Hire people according to your needs. Look for people who are self-disciplined and who write well.
3. Attached by Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find? and Keep? Love by Amir Levine, and Rachel Heller.
The theme of the book is very valuable, but I think the content is a little thin. In short, there are two types of people, the secure and the insecure.
There are two types of insecure people: anxious, tend to rely on others, and fear of being alone; lone wolf (both men and women), may be unwilling to get close to others because they have been hurt by someone they trusted before, and many people Slags are all lone wolf personalities (and vice versa).
The category attributes of people are relatively stable, and 75% of people will not change within 4 years.
The book recommends that everyone fall in love with a secure personality, and points out that most soap operas are caused by anxiety and a lone wolf personality.
Another point is that the book advocates that everyone clarify their emotional needs and communicate these needs in a non-emotional way.
This book focuses on love and marriage, but many principles are valuable for making friends and even communicating with parents and children. Unfortunately, this book does not talk about it at all, which is a pity.
This is a very good book on the psychology of love. I strongly recommend that you read it. This book explains three love styles, and the analysis is meticulous.
It is a good guide for people who are in love or will be in love. After reading this book We will have a better understanding of the relationship between ourselves and our lover, and it will also help us better grasp love and live a happier life!!
4. Note to Self by Connor Franta
After reading about one-sixth of the time, Connor made me feel that he is full of gratitude and love for others, life, and the world in his short stories and short poems.
As he expressed, each of us is constantly growing in the big and small things that are good or bad, sad or happy. When others give me joy, I am grateful; when others give me hardship, I will not shrink back.
Treating past painful experiences as stepping stones instead of stumbling blocks in life is not only Kangkang's optimistic attitude but also his love for life and yearning for beauty.
As far as I am concerned, this book is quite good so far. Taking ten minutes a day to look through it can cultivate a sense of language and a sense of familiarity with reading English books.
At dusk, or at noon or midnight, slow down and be healed by the words in the book.
Although this book is written for himself, many people should be able to see his own shadow from it, and then be impressed by his optimistic and positive way of life. touched by the attitude.
It is the kind of warm text suitable for reading under the warm winter sun. I like and appreciate the author's attitude, and I hope to be able to keep cheering up like the author.
5. Purple Cow: Transform Your Business by Being Remarkable by Seth Godin
In a group of black and white cows, a purple cow suddenly appeared! It definitely attracts attention from the senses, but, as a consumer, are you really willing to drink milk from purple cows?
Godin tells us how to win by surprise from a marketing perspective. You don't need to do unprecedented things, but you have to do things differently to make you stand out. However, marketing is used to persuade customers.
If the customer base itself has a strong herd mentality and is unwilling to try new things, Ziniu can only be submerged in the crowd.
Therefore, the success of being different requires a prerequisite: the basis of customer research, the basis of real potential demand, and long-term market cultivation.
Unfortunately, this is often difficult to grasp, otherwise, the cow pen will be full of purple cows, and the black and white cows will be different.
I still appreciate Godin's writing style, but this book has few viewpoints and many cases, just grasping the key points.
6. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns
After reading one-sixth of this book, I feel that I should strongly recommend it.
I have always only read textbooks in psychology, and I read fewer books that are lighter. To me, they are "joking psychology".
I found out that I was wrong.
After reading theoretical books, I often feel this way: Isn’t it just a few substantive words? The words are so awkward and sour, and they are covered up with a silk scarf. It takes a long time for people to interpret it.
On the contrary, people love and like books that explain profound truths in simple and plain sentences.
This book is that it uses plain language to tell the whole story without being afraid that there will be no suspense, which will make readers bored. He doesn't play tricks, but still attracts you, makes you happy to watch, smooth and comfortable.
Most importantly, it has practice and guidance to guide you step by step on how to get out of depression. Feasible and credible!!
You may not be depressed, but if you want to make yourself more rational and happy, you are depressed, you have the habit of procrastinating, when you often feel bored suddenly, you find yourself avoiding, being late, and you have a tendency of perfectionism, you Often dissatisfied with yourself, you want to get rid of depression and become helpless and hopeless and more depressed.
Then please read this book! He will help you and give you unexpected surprises!
7. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey
My Brother suggested that I read this book carefully, so I intensively read "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" for the last book last year, and made a detailed mind map.
There are two points that affect me the most:
1. The "circle of concern and circle of influence" in Habits-Proactive.
Proactive people focus on the "circle of influence" and concentrate on doing what they can so that the circle of influence continues to expand; passive people concentrate on the "circle of concern", focusing on other people's weaknesses, environmental problems, and things that are beyond the scope of personal ability.
As a result, they blame others, blindly treat themselves as victims, and constantly make excuses for their negative behavior.
The negativity created by the wrong focus, combined with the neglect of what is within our power, creates a shrinking circle of influence.
Why is it not like this for me, I put the blame on the bad location, my family does not understand, and even the bad weather makes me feel bad. However, I didn't do what I can, and I was always influenced by emotions.
2. Get used to the principle of three important things first.
"Centered on spouse or money, friends, pleasure, etc., easily fettered by things in the first and third quadrants.
As for self-centered people, they will inevitably be misled by emotional impulses, indulge in the third type of activities to gain people's favor, and escape from reality Things in the fourth quadrant."
Isn't this a vivid portrayal of myself? The first principle requires us to focus on principles, cultivate our own independent will, control our feelings, impulses, and emotions, obey these value constraints, be self-disciplined from the inside out, and become efficient self-manager.
Stephen Covey's "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" discusses the impact of seven habits on our daily lives, each of which contains more than just a few words of knowledge.
You don't have to be limited by the seven habits in the book. Active people always have the ability to explore countless ways of self-education.
8. The Zahir by Paulo Coelho
Bought this book on the way during a trip to India, and once I started reading it I couldn't put it down. On the one hand, I was very curious about where her wife went at first, and on the other hand, this book is a bit semi-autobiographical, so it is very curious.
In the process of searching for the protagonist and understanding it, I also learned a lot about how to deal with the relationship with the partner.
When I read the ending, I suddenly felt that the ending didn't matter anymore, and the author also wrote it like this, so I felt very natural.
Kazakhstan mentioned in the book, as well as the nomadic Tengri, may be mysterious to Westerners.
The content of the whole book is a bit too spiritual. The author thinks and asks questions like a philosopher, but it does not hinder reading, nor will it affect the core value of this book.
I also spent a lot of time thinking about what kind of relationship I wanted, how I should treat each other, and how to solve the boredom that arises from getting along with each other for a long time.
Maybe this is also the reason why I resonate deeply. I have some fragmented comprehension, but it can be described profoundly through a story in a systematic language. I like and admire this kind of author very much.
Many wonderful sentences, no longer excerpts, but I think this sentence is to some extent the central idea of this book:
Suffering occurs when we want other people to love us in the way we imagine we want to be loved, and not in the way that love should manifest itself.
9. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
Before I got the book, I had heard so much about the author, about how great the book is, and about how people's lives changed because of it.
I am always very alert to those " life-changing" books, especially those books that bring with them mentally and spiritually changing power.
Because I enjoy my own spiritual journey no matter how slow it goes, or how twisted it could be, I assure my every growing step so much that I seldom let any "life-changing" books, movies, or speeches snatch that away from me.
I would like to add the author's TED speech. This speech ranks in the top three among nearly a thousand TED speeches, especially since the second half of the speech is excellent. Elizabeth is the kind of person with a lot of wisdom. This is reflected in her texts and speeches.
As a nonfiction reader, this book is out of my genre, so I was surprised that I absolutely enjoyed the book.
Some critics say that Gilbert was self-absorbing and full of her own feelings and emotions. I totally agree with that, but, Since I can relate to all her feelings and emotions, I don't find them selfish, but rather spiritually enlightening.
Best read so far this year!
10. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman.
First of all, it must be clear that regardless of passion/sexual attraction, maintaining an intimate relationship is a long-term process.
Then correct your attitude and choose an object with the same attitude and purpose. Through getting along, understand yourself, tap the other person's emotional expression and needs, and deepen your relationship through a series of ritual events and gentle and supportive words and behaviors.
The way of expressing love in the book is also applicable to relationships other than love. Family, friendship, and even acquaintance relationships need to be properly maintained.
When you can exude a friendly atmosphere without experiencing it, you will find that the world responds to you in the way you want.
I have to say that the five languages are indeed effective, making you understand more about what love is. What actions can be subdivided into? This is undoubtedly inspiring, but it does not mean that you can become a lover after reading this book. This book just gives you a good start.
Which five are the five languages of love?
- Words of affirmation
- Delicate moments (simply speaking, the dual presence and companionship of body and soul)
- Actions of service
- Physical contact
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